Wrestling Island
by Elektra1
Summary: What would happen if the men and women of the WWF and WCW were stranded on a deserted island?
1. Episode One

WRESTLING ISLAND EPISODE 1 ****

WRESTLING ISLAND

__

Episode 1

By: [Elektra][1]

****

WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME: 

__

Just sit right back   
_And you'll hear a tale_   
_A tale of two wrestling shows_   
_They started out really small_   
_Now one stars lots of 'hos_

__

Bishoff was a silly man   
_Vince was brave and sure_   
_Millions of fans sat on their butts_   
_For a 3 hour Pay per view_   
_(a 3 hour pay per view)_

__

WCW started getting rough   
_Their mighty ship was tossed_   
_If not for the courage of Vince and friends_   
_All of Wrestling would be lost_   
_(all of wrestling would be lost)_

__

Both shows set ground on Monday Night   
_On major network TV_

__

With Shane McMahon   
_The Vin-man too_   
_Ted the billionare_   
_And his wife_

__

Too many movie stars 

__

The talent and   
_The booker-men_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle!_

*********************************

Last time on Wrestling Island: We saw the WCW Bruise Cruise and the WWF Wrestle Vessel preparing for their maiden voyage. Each ship was full of Wrestlers AND fans! Both ships encountered a violent storm shortly after they set sail... and become shipwrecked on Wrestling Island! 

********************************

(Hardcore Holly and The Big Show are hanging out under a coconut tree. Big Show is eating. The Rock is seen a few feet away writing something out on some tree bark) 

**HOLLY**: You know, Big Show! I bet I can break these Coconuts over my head! 

**BIG SHOW**: C'mon little buddy! Don't be stupid. You ain't Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, you know! 

**HOLLY**: I could BEAT Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka! I'm the _BIG SHOT!_ (looks to The Rock). Hey Rock! Don't you think I'm the Big shot?! Don't you think I could beat Jimmy Snuka?! 

**ROCKY**: (The Rock looks up from his writing, annoyed) The Rock thinks you should shut the hell up and take those coconuts, turn 'em sideways, and stick 'em up your roooooody pooooooo candy ass! 

(The Rock turns back to his writing) 

**HOLLY** (looking back at Big Show): Geez... what's HIS problem? 

**SHOW**: He's having trouble writing up some new catchphrases. 

(Holly nods in understanding) 

(Holly then takes a coconut... and smashes it against his head. He's knocked silly. Big Show rolls his eyes, throws Holly over his shoulder, and carries him off) 

**HOLLY** (muttering idiotically) I broke it over my head... toldja I could... (he passes out) 

* * *

(Vince McMahon and his son, Shane McMahon, are sitting in a nice big Bamboo shelter, relaxing and drinking from coconut-shells - complete with paper umbrellas) 

(Outside, we see Mick Foley - dressed as 'corporate Mankind' - sitting in a palm tree. He is the 'lookout'. Under the palm tree we see a bamboo Spanish announcers table. The Spanish announcers are having Pina Coladas elsewhere. The bookers and execs are just hanging around.) 

(Suddenly, the words "Self high-five" and a familiar riff stolen off a Nirvana song can be heard in the distance - followed by generic 'island native' drumming.) 

(Vince jumps out of his luxury lay-z-bamboo-boy chair and goes outside) 

**VINCE McMAHON**: MICK!! What the hell is going on! 

**FOLEY** (looking down from the top of the tree): They're coming, Vince! They're coming! 

**VINCE**: Dammit, get down from there, man!! We gotta think of something fast! 

**FOLEY**: Ok. (Mick stands up... and puts his hands over his head... he bends his knees... and....) 

**VINCE**: NO! Mick... don't --- (Foley dives down from the top of the tree, and crashes through the Spanish announcers table.) JUMP. Oh... Never mind. 

(Vince shakes his head, and goes back inside to confer with Shane about the impending invasion). 

(After ten minutes, Vince comes back out) 

**VINCE**: I've got it!! Assemble the talent! We're going to have a Pay Per View! 

* * *

(We see Eric Bishoff sneaking through the long grass with his entourage of Talent and execs) 

****

ERIC **BISHOFF**: I know their camp is here!! It's gotta be. They couldn't have gotten shipwrecked THAT far off shore! 

****

KEVIN **NASH** (gasping for breath): Hey man... can we stop walking? I need a vacation. 

**BISHOFF**: What are you complaining about?? This is the most exercise you've had since you've been with the company! 

****

HULK HOGAN (looking disapprovingly at Nash): Y'know, brother!! You live up to your nickname! 

**NASH** (with a smug smile): Big Sexy?? 

**HOGAN**: No. Big Lazy! 

**NASH** (frowning): Look who's talking Mr. 'got the WCW Title even though I haven't wrestled in two months'. 

**HOGAN**: Hey, you got a problem, brotha'?! You wanna make something of it?! 

**NASH**: Can your pacemaker take it? 

**BISHOFF**: OK! Quit it, guys! Or else I'll job you both (re-thinks his last sentence). Or else I job - Benoit to David Flair! 

****

CHRIS **BENOIT**: Hey! Why are you punishing ME? 

**BISHOFF**: Because you'll take it. 

**BENOIT** (pouting as the group continues their walk towards WWF camp) I KNEW I should have signed with WWF when my contract expired! 

* * *

(Back at the WWF camp, the ring-crew sets up the ring, coconut-tron, chairs, torches, and whatever else happened to be on the Wrestle Vessel) 

**VINCE**: We're going to make millions from this PPV! 

**SHANE McMAHON**: Hey, pops, we're on a deserted island! How are we going to put this on PPV? 

**VINCE**: We've found a way to send our TV waves across the Ocean onto the TV sets all across Canada and the USA! 

**SHANE**: But how are we sending electricity through the cameras? 

**VINCE**: Coconuts, Shane!! Don't you ever wonder how you could always watch _GILLIGAN'S ISLAND_ even though they had no electricity? 

**SHANE**: Umm... but dad... that was a TV SHOW! It wasn't real! 

**VINCE**: Neither are wrestling angles! Now... go talk to Stephanie about her appearance tonight on HEAT. GO! 

(Shane just shakes his head and goes off to talk to his sister). 

* * *

(Bishoff and friends finally make their way through the grass... and come upon Vince's camp) 

**BISHOFF**: A HA!! Now... let's steal their ideas and try to make OUR show worth watching again! 

**KIDMAN**: (shaking his head and muttering to himself) Nothing can save our show as long as you continue pushing the 'over-40' crowd! 

**BISHOFF** (looking at Kidman): Sorry, Billy... what did you say? I didn't hear you. 

**KIDMAN** (rolling his eyes): What else is new? 

(In the distance, the WCW group eyes the ring crew setting up. Then.. they see VINCE himself!) 

**BISHOFF** (jumping out of hiding): VINCE! We've come to take over WWF 

**VINCE**: I have a better idea... how about you and I work together - and stage a PAY PER VIEW! 

**TONY SCHIVONE** (who appears out of no where): YES! It will be the biggest Pay Per View in the history of our sport!! 

**EVERYONE**: SHUT UP! 

(Schivone pouts, and digs into a box of Hostess Twinkies to cheer himself up) 

* * *

(Finally, the PPV is ready to start! Commentators are Schivone, JR, and Jerry Lawler) 

(All the fans who were shipwrecked with the talent are eagerly anticipating the PPV) 

(It's night time and bamboo torches are providing the lighting for the show) 

**VINCE** (coming to the ring and taking the mic -- with a loud '@$$hole' chant in the background): I promise... no.. I GUARANTEE that this will be a Pay Per View you will NEVER forgot!! So sit right back and you'll see the tale. The tale of a fateful Wrestling company... and how I can continue to screw Stone Cold for as long as we are abandoned on this island. 

(After hearing that, all the non-bandwagon fans quickly jump into the lagoon and try to swim ANYWHERE to get away from the Austin/McMahon feud. Unfortunately, the waves wash them back on the shore of Wrestling Isle) 

**VINCE** (seeing the poor beached Wrestling fans): Bwahahahahahahaa!! You can't leave! You can't leave, dammit! Now... on with the show!! 

TO BE CONTINUED

****

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME 

__

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends   
_They'll feud for a long long time_   
_They'll have to make the best of things_   
_Because bookers are hard to find_

__

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too   
_will do their very best_   
_To make Bishoff uncomfortable_   
_in this tropic island mess_

__

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer   
_Not a single luxury_   
_Like Bishoff's main eventers_   
_It's primitive as can be_

__

So join us here each week, my friends   
_You're sure to get a smile_   
_From several stranded Wrestling stars_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle_

   [1]: mailto:elektrawwf@yahoo.com



	2. Episode Two

WRESTLING ISLAND EPISODE 2 ****

WRESTLING ISLAND

__

Episode 2

By: [Elektra][1]

****

WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME: 

__

Just sit right back   
_And you'll hear a tale_   
_A tale of two wrestling shows_   
_They started out really small_   
_Now one stars lots of 'hos_

__

Bishoff was a silly man   
_Vince was brave and sure_   
_Millions of fans sat on their butts_   
_For a 3 hour Pay per view_   
_(a 3 hour pay per view)_

__

WCW started getting rough   
_Their mighty ship was tossed_   
_If not for the courage of Vince and friends_   
_All of Wrestling would be lost_   
_(all of wrestling would be lost)_

__

Both shows set ground on Monday Night   
_On major network TV_

__

With Shane McMahon   
_The Vin-man too_   
_Ted the billionare_   
_And his wife_

__

Too many movie stars 

__

The talent and   
_The booker-men_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle!_

*******************************

Last time on Wrestling Island – Vince McMahon challenged WCW to a Pay-per-view. 

*******************************

(Before the PPV starts, we see a backstage interview with The ROCK) 

**MEAN GENE OKERLUND**: Rock, you may know me from WCW. I'm Mene Gene Okerlund! 

**ROCKY**: It doesn't MATTER what your name is! Here... hold this. (The Rock hands Mene Gene a coconut with a picture of a Brahma bull, and a tin box with a picture of a brahma bull) 

**MEAN GENE**: What's this, Rock? 

**ROCKY**: Well, Bob... since the Rock has nothing else to do on this rooooody pooooo island, he's been cooking! (The Rock points to the coconut w/Brahma bull) THIS, jabronie, is a little something The Rock likes to call the Rockonut. (The Rock then points to the box) and THIS is what the Rock calls his Roooody poooo candy palm leaves. They are electrifying snacks for the millions (takes a deep breath) and millions of the Rock's fans! 

**MEAN GENE** (sniffing): What's that smell? 

**THE ROCK**: What YOU smell, jabronie, is what the Rock is cooking! That would be the Rock's supper for tonight. Now get outta my face before the Rock takes his Rockonut, shines it up real nice, turns it sideways, and sticks it straight up your candy ass! 

**MEAN GENE **(turns to the camera, still holding the Rockonut, and the roody poo candy palm leaves): Back to you guys in the arena! 

* * *

(Back in the arena) 

**SCHIVONE**: Thanks, Gene. Now let's start off the PPV! 

(The PPV starts, and consists of exciting low-card matches such as The Cat vs Bart Gunn; Lash Leroux vs Jesus from the Boriquas; and Jerry Flynn vs Prince Iakuea -- who seems incredibly at home on this island) 

(The next match is Goldberg vs The Undertaker) 

(There's an explosion of fire works, and a familiar theme song) 

**SCHIVONE**: It's GOOOOOOOLDBERG! GOLDBERG IS HERE!! Look JR! It's GOLDBERG. It's the Phenom of WCW! 

**JR:** Will you calm down?! 

**LAWLER**: The Puppies are here too! I saw Debra in the back, JR! Woo hoo! PUPPIES! 

(Goldberg makes his way to the ring, and grabs the mic) 

**GOLDBERG** (grunts a bit, then says): Undertaker!! You're NEXT! 

(The torches go low, and the familiar sound of chanting can be heard.) 

**SCHIVONE** (scared): What's that?? Is it the island natives? 

(Undertaker's music starts up, and he makes his way to the ring. Undertaker comes face to face with Goldberg) 

**UNDERTAKER**: They call you the phenom? Well, there is only ONE phenom. That is ME! The Lord of Darkness!! I will see the maggots feast on your rotting corpse! 

(Goldberg actually looks somewhat scared, and turns to Schivone) 

**GOLDBERG** (to Schivone): What's going on here? I didn't sign for this! 

(Out of nowhere, a UT symbol appears. Goldberg is quickly tied to it, and thrown in the lagoon. Undertaker walks back to the dressing rooms). 

**RING ANNOUNCER**: The next match, scheduled for ONE fall, is a shrunken head match! The loser has to get his head shrunken by Kamala the Ugandan Giant -- whom we just recently found hiding in a cave on this island. 

**JR**: So THAT'S what happened to him! 

(The familiar words 'you think you know me' are heard throughout the island) 

**RING ANNOUNCER**: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Toronto Canada, EDGE! 

(Edge enters, and bounces on the rope as usual. The top rope is only made of leaves and grass and therefore gives way. Edge falls face first into the laps of the female fans in the front row. They are more then happy to cushion his fall) 

(There is 5 seconds of silence. The torches suddenly go out, then there's a flash of light. The torches light up again, and a hard-rock theme starts ) 

**RING ANNOUNCER**: His opponent, making his way to ringside, hailing from Winnepeg, Manitoba, Canada -- Y2J, Chris Jericho! 

(Jericho grabs the mic) 

****

CHRIS **JERICHO**: Since when is this a shrunken head match? There's no way I'm putting MY lovely head on the line! 

**EDGE** (grabbing another mic after finally getting free from the overzealous female fans): Neither am I! Let's go out for a drink instead. 

(Kamala looks disappointed) 

**JERICHO**: Hey, we're on a deserted Island, pretty boy! Where do you expect us to get a drink from? 

**EDGE**: Who are YOU calling Pretty boy, pansy?? 

**JERICHO**: Pansy?! I am your role model! Your HERO! I am NOT a pansy! (He looks at Edge). I also have the mic skills that you can only _dream _of, Wedge! 

**EDGE**: It's EDGE... and while you may have better mic skills, *I* have more female fans! 

**JERICHO**: Not after I get you in the Walls of Jericho! 

(The two begin the match, which goes to the outside of the ring.) 

**SCHIVONE**: Look!! Edge.. er.. uh.. Jericho... er.. I mean.. uh... one of the blond Canadian guys has the... uh... OTHER blond Canadian guy in a headlock! 

**JR**: Both these young men have gotten very popular with the female fans lately! 

**LAWLER**: _I'M_ very popular with the female fans! 

**JR**: Stuff it, King. 

(The Female Fans are screaming their lungs out for their favourite star.) 

(Edge and Jericho's match takes them to a nearby coconut tree. Two coconuts fall from the tree, knocking each man unconscious. All the female fans leave their seats to try and help them.) 

(Eric Bishoff is seen talking to someone backstage) 

**BISHOFF**: So... go out there and beat-down Jericho! I'll make him pay for leaving WCW! 

**PERSON BISHOFF IS TALKING TOO**: Why the hell are you telling ME to get him for?! I'm SIDING with him -- you jobbed BOTH of us to hell! 

**BISHOFF**: But... Goldberg...! 

**PERSON BISHOFF IS TALKING TOO**: Who the hell you callin' Goldberg, little man? I'm "Stone Cold" Steve Austin! Goldberg is in the lagoon! 

**BISHOFF**: WHAT? (runs out from the backstage area) Someone drain the lagoon! My only young star is in there! 

(Everyone grumbles, as it seems the PPV has been postponed for now as they try to fish Goldberg out of the lagoon) 

**VINCE McMAHON**: I'll get you next time, Bishoff! 

* * * 

THE NEXT DAY

(Kane and X-Pac are sitting by a palm tree. Kane is trying to stuff pieces of coconut through the little mouth hole in his mask) 

**X-PAC**: Keep eating like that, big guy, and you'll put back on all the weight you've lost! (Kane takes off his mask, and whacks X-pac over the head with it) Ewww, man! Put that thing back ON! 

(Kane pouts, and puts his mask back on). 

* * *

(Debra is in her bamboo dressing room, trying to hook two coconuts together) 

**JEFF JARRETT**: What are you DOING? 

**DEBRA**: I figured out a way to hook these two coconuts together with this wire I found on the ship. We can make a radio! 

**JARRETT**: Uh.. Debra... those aren't coconuts! Those are your... 

(Suddenly the sound of an ECW broadcast comes to life from Debra's _coconuts_) 

**DEBRA**: Sorry... what were you saying, Jeff? 

* * *

(All the wrestlers are hanging around by the lagoon. In the distance, Goldberg is bashing his head against a tree, pretending it's a locker) 

**AUSTIN** (looking at Goldberg and shaking his head): Stupid SOB. (He sighs in despair) I need a beer! 

**ROCKY** (overhearing Austin): You want a beer?? Well the Rock's been cooking -- and he's made some electrifying moonshine! Have a swig! (hands Austin half a coconut shell with beer in it) 

**AUSTIN** (drinking the beer): Damn... this is stronger then what I'm used to! 

**ROCKY**: Of course it is. Coors Light is water! THIS is made from the Rock's own special recipe! 

**JERICHO** (shouting from a few feet away): Hey, Crocky! You got any more of that Molson Canadian we found in the fridge of the Wrestle Vessel this morning? 

**ROCKY**: It's "ROCKY", and the Rock doesn't have your damn Molson Canadian! The Rock makes his OWN electrifying beer! 

**JERICHO** (coming up to Austin and Rocky. He notices the beer Austin is drinking): Hey... what is that? 

**AUSTIN** (holding his half-full coconut shell protectively): It's MINE! Go away! 

**ROCKY** (hands another coconut shell to Jericho): It's the Rock's own! Try it. 

**JERICHO** (takes a swig): HEY!! This is Molson Canadian! You DO have it after all!! Give it!! 

**ROCKY** (looking nervous): No! The Rock makes his own! GO AWAY before the Rock sticks his boot up your candy ass! 

(Rocky runs away and trips over Al Snow, who's busy talking to a fish) 

**AL SNOW**: Hey! Watch it, Rock!! You almost stepped on Silvy! (He points to the fish) 

**ROCKY** (shaking his head): The Rock thinks you are one messed up jabronie! 

* * *

(Benoit is sitting by himself, lamenting) 

**BENOIT**: Do the job. Do the job. That's all I ever hear!! (sighs) Why didn't I sign with WWF? WHY WHY WHY! 

(Jericho happens to walk by and hears Benoit muttering) 

**JERICHO** (looks at Benoit): Well, Benwar... that's because you absolutely SUCK when it comes to decision making! 

**BENOIT**: HEY! I don't need you to give me a hard time, Chris! 

**JERICHO**: I'm not giving you a hard time! I'm just saying that I was smart, and you weren't. So nyaaah!! Here... have a drink! 

**BENOIT**: It's not that crappy American beer, is it? 

**JERICHO**: No way! It's the good stuff from back home in Canada! 

**BENOIT**: Ooh! Afterwards, can we go cripple Bishoff?!? 

**JERICHO** (nods his head slowly): Suuuuuure we can, Benwar... suuuuure we can... 

* * *

(Back at the WCW camp, Bishoff is on his hands and knees... begging someone for mercy) 

**BISHOFF**: I'm sorry the ratings have been down! I'm sorry we couldn't sink the WWF! Please don't fire me! PLEASE! Show me mercy! 

(A man, wearing a golf hat and golf shirt, is in a huge bamboo chair. He leans forward. It's none other then Billonaire Ted himself) 

**TED** (looking at the woman beside him): What do you think, lovey? Should we show him mercy? 

(We see the woman beside Ted. It is Jane) 

**JANE**: Oh, why not! 

**TED**: Fine. Prove to me that you deserve another chance. Sign me some more talent that will make our ratings skyrocket!! 

**BISHOFF**: But all the WWF guys are happy where they are! 

**TED**: Then you have to convince them that they are UN-happy. Or else, find me some NEW guys! 

**BISHOFF**: Where?? We're on an island and... (stops and thinks) I got it!! I won't let you down! I will find new talent! And you will be very very happy! 

(Bishoff leaves) 

**TED** (to the woman beside him): You know, lovey... I think we might finally get rid of Bishoff after all! 

**JANE**: Wouldn't that be lovely! 

(Suddenly, Ted seems upset. He looks around desperately) 

**TED**: Where's teddy!! I can't find my teddy! 

**JANE**: Here you go, dear. (Hands him the teddy bear) 

**TED** (relieved as he hugs the teddy): Thank you, lovey! 

* * *

(We see Bishoff frantically looking around the island for the WWF guys. Apparently, he's gotten lost) 

**BISHOFF** (yelling out into the open with hopes that one of the WWF guys will hear him):Anyone want a 5 year contract for 6 Million dollars?! (he hears drums beating in the distance) Oh oh... this can't be good. 

TO BE CONTINUED

****

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME 

__

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends   
_They'll feud for a long long time_   
_They'll have to make the best of things_   
_Because bookers are hard to find_

__

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too   
_will do their very best_   
_To make Bishoff uncomfortable_   
_in this tropic island mess_

__

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer   
_Not a single luxury_   
_Like Bishoff's main eventers_   
_It's primitive as can be_

__

So join us here each week, my friends   
_You're sure to get a smile_   
_From several stranded Wrestling stars_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle_

   [1]: mailto:elektrawwf@yahoo.com



	3. Episode Three

****

WRESTLING ISLAND

__

Episode 5

By: [Elektra][1]

****

WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME: 

__

Just sit right back   
_And you'll hear a tale_   
_A tale of two wrestling shows_   
_They started out really small_   
_Now one stars lots of 'hos_

__

Bishoff was a silly man   
_Vince was brave and sure_   
_Millions of fans sat on their butts_   
_For a 3 hour Pay per view_   
_(a 3 hour pay per view)_

__

WCW started getting rough   
_Their mighty ship was tossed_   
_If not for the courage of Vince and friends_   
_All of Wrestling would be lost_   
_(all of wrestling would be lost)_

__

Both shows set ground on Monday Night   
_On major network TV_

__

With Shane McMahon   
_The Vin-man too_   
_Ted the billionaire_   
_And his wife_

__

Too many movie stars 

__

The talent and   
_The booker-men_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle!_
    
    ****************************************

Last time on Wrestling Island – Eric Bishoff was sent out to look for new talent to bring to the WCW. During his search, he started to hear a strange drumming

**************************************************

(The drumming gets louder) 

**BISHOFF** (looking around, scared): What is that? 

(Suddenly, Bishoff is surrounded by Island natives.) 

**BISHOFF**: Oh oh... 

* * *

(Back at the WWF camp, the WCW wrestlers have yet to leave. Many of the young guys are begging Vince to hire them with hopes that their debut will be as grand as Jericho's). 

(All the fans are chitchatting with the wrestlers. It's supertime) 

**HOGAN**: Hey! Anyone seen Eric? 

**NASH**: No. He went off to visit Billionaire Ted! 

**HOGAN**: But he should have been back by now 

**SCHIVONE** (stuffing food into his mouth): Where is Eric Bishoff? This is the biggest mystery in the history of our sport 

**ROCKY** (coming out of the bamboo kitchen with an apron on): So, how do you like the Rock's cooking?! (Everyone congratulates him on his fine meal). Ah... the Rock's millions (takes a deep breath) and millions of fans enjoy his fine gourmet talents! (He happily goes back into the bamboo kitchen to prepare for dessert) 

(The two Chris's - Benoit and Jericho - are busy getting drunk on some Molson Canadian. Benoit is still lamenting about his poor career decision) 

(At one of the dinner tables, Edge is eating. He is being watched by every female fan that was on the Wrestle Vessel.) 

**EDGE** (looking at the fans, perplexed): What are you all staring at? Am I having a bad hair day? 

(The female fans simply smile. Edge puts on his sunglasses and continues eating) 

* * *

(At Billionaire Teds, there is an unexpected visitor) 

**BISHOFF**: TED! I have your new wrestlers! 

**TED**: WHAT? What new wrestlers?! 

**BISHOFF** (opens the door, and about 10 island natives enter): They want to be wrestlers! 

**TED**: Do they have any talent? 

**BISHOFF**: Do they need to have talent?! Most of our main eventers don't. 

**TED**: Fine. Fine. What do they want in return for their services? 

**BISHOFF**: Just throw money at them! What does it matter? 

**TED**: Well done, Eric!! Now go kick Vince's ass! 

**BISHOFF**: Hey, this is a family show! You can't say that word! 

**TED**: Yes, whatever. Just GO! 

(Bishoff heads out to the WWF camp with his new talent) 

* * *

(At the WWF camp) 

**BISHOFF** (storming in with his new talent): All right, Vince! We got some more people to kick your butt!! 

**VINCE** **McMAHON** (looking at Bishoff's newest acquisitions): Are you going to give them as big a push as you gave the over 40 crowd - most of which *I* made in the '80s and early '90s? 

**BISHOFF**: Well... no. I have a hit TV show with main eventers like Hogan, Nash, and Sid! Why do I need any more main eventers? _These_ guys are going to be my newest cruiserweights! 

(Everyone starts to laugh - Wrestlers and fans alike) 

**BISHOFF**: What is it? What are you laughing at?! (turns to the Island Natives) Go on! Get them!! What is Uncle Ted paying you for?! 

(Prince Iakuea goes up to the Island Natives) 

****

PRINCE **IAKUEA** (speaking in some other language): Hey guys, you'll never get a push with Eric there!! Sign with Vince. He'll make you guys main eventers in a few years! Don't get stuck in a dead-end contract like the rest of us! 

(The Islanders are confused for a moment... then quickly stand by Vince) 

**BISHOFF**: HEY!! I found you! How DARE you turn on me? 

(Billionaire Ted, and Jane come onto the scene and see that Eric's newest talent has left him) 

**TED** (to Jane): Well, lovey... what should we do with Eric? 

**JANE**: I don't know, dear. How about we fire him? 

**TED** (looks at his teddy bear): What's that, teddy? Yes? Ok. (Turns to Bishoff) Jane and teddy have decided that you're fired, Eric. 

**BISHOFF**: No! Wait! I'll get him next time! I will I will!! Just give me time! 

**TED**: Sorry. Too late. (looks to Jane) Let's go back to WCW headquarters! 

**BISHOFF**: No! Sir, please! Did I ever tell you what a great man you are?! 

**TED**: Yes. Of course I am. (Notices Benoit a few feet away... and the empty beer cans). Malenko, go get your friend and drag him back! 

****

DEAN **MALENKO**: How about we just leave him here? He'll do better with Vince anyway. 

**BISHOFF**: Do as Master Ted commands!! 

**MALENKO** (picking up a drunk Benoit and muttering): This ain't gonna save your job, weenie boy! 

(Bishoff and gang leave) 

**VINCE**: Well now. Shall we all get back to the Rock's dinner? 

(Everyone agrees, and finishes their meal) 

* * *

(In a quiet little bamboo hut, Bishoff rocks back and forth on the ground, talking to himself) 

**BISHOFF**: You took my job from me!! Yes, Vince, you did. I will get you for it... I will get you... and you will be SORRY! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! 

****

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME 

__

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends   
_They'll feud for a long long time_   
_They'll have to make the best of things_   
_Because bookers are hard to find_

__

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too   
_will do their very best_   
_To make Bishoff uncomfortable_   
_in this tropic island mess_

__

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer   
_Not a single luxury_   
_Like Bishoff's main eventers_   
_It's primitive as can be_

__

So join us here each week, my friends   
_You're sure to get a smile_   
_From several stranded Wrestling stars_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle_

   [1]: mailto:elektrawwf@yahoo.com



	4. Episode Four

WRESTLING ISLAND EPISODE 4 ****

WRESTLING ISLAND

__

Episode 4

By: [Elektra][1]

****

WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME: 

__

Just sit right back   
_And you'll hear a tale_   
_A tale of two wrestling shows_   
_They started out really small_   
_Now one stars lots of 'hos_

__

Bishoff was a silly man   
_Vince was brave and sure_   
_Millions of fans sat on their butts_   
_For a 3 hour Pay per view_   
_(a 3 hour pay per view)_

__

WCW started getting rough   
_Their mighty ship was tossed_   
_If not for the courage of Vince and friends_   
_All of Wrestling would be lost_   
_(all of wrestling would be lost)_

__

Both shows set ground on Monday Night   
_On major network TV_

__

With Shane McMahon   
_The Vin-man too_   
_Ted the billionare_   
_And his wife_

__

Too many movie stars 

__

The talent and   
_The booker-men_

__

Here on Wrestling Isle! 

*******************************

Last time on Wrestling Island: Eric Bishoff was fired and vowed revenge on Vince McMahon.

*******************************

(Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Edge, and Christian sit under a palm tree drinking Molson Canadian from coconut shells)

****

CHRIS BENOIT: Think we'll ever get off this island, Chris?

****

CHRIS JERICHO: I don't know, Chris (a pause as Jericho remembers the last time he saw Benoit)

(We see a clip from last Wrestling Island, where a drunk and depressed Benoit was dragged back to the WCW camp by Dean Malenko). 

****

JERICHO: Wait… when, exactly, did you join _our _camp, Chris? 

****

BENOIT: Well, Chris… Bishoff disappeared the other day. We didn't know what to do, so the guys and I made our way here… 

(Shane McMahon runs out of his hut. He seems to be very happy)

****

SHANE McMAHON: (Holding a piece of birch bark with writing on it) It's mine! It's all mine!

****

EDGE: What's yours, dude? 

****

CHRISTIAN: Do we even want to know?

****

SHANE: _WCW_ is mine! Billionaire Ted sold it to me! 

(Vince McMahon jumps out of his luxury lay-z-bamboo-boy chair)

****

VINCE McMAHON: WHAT? But why?!

****

SHANE: Well, Bishoff disappeared, and Ted decided he wanted early retirement here on this island. We struck a deal.

****

JERICHO: Shane-o… I don't think our camp is big enough for Nash and Hogan's egos.

****

SHANE: Well, part of my deal with Ted is that Nash and Hogan are to stay in a cave far, far away. I don't think we'll see them for a very, very long time! 

***

(In a cave far, far away, three shadowy figures huddle together)

****

HULK HOGAN: So, brother… how are we gonna get our jobs back? 

****

KEVIN NASH: I don't know, man… I know some of the WWF guys. Maybe…

****

ERIC BISHOFF: No no… we don't ASK for our jobs back. We TAKE them back! (Bishoff hugs himself and rocks back and forth). Yes. Vince will pay for taking my company from me!

****

HOGAN: Brother, it wasn't YOUR company. It was Billionaire Ted's!

****

NASH: Yeah, and Billionaire Ted made that deal with the McMahon kid… which put US out of a job too!

****

BISHOFF: It was ALMOST mine though! ALMOST! I was working out a deal with one of the headhunter tribes to help me take over… but noooooo, that little McMahon snot had to run in and do it first! He will pay. Oh yes he will…

****

NASH: (to Hogan) I think he's snapped, man…

****

HOGAN: If HE isn't able to plot this takeover… then it falls to me, brother…

****

NASH: WHAT? No way, man! No FREAKIN' way! I'm not letting YOU book this! Look how crappy your booking was LAST TIME.

****

HOGAN: Hey, NWO ruled, brother!

****

NASH: Yeah… the FIRST time… but then you and your ego had to go and make about twenty more reincarnations of it

****

HOGAN: You did too, big lazy!

****

NASH: Excuse me, orange goblin… but YOU'RE the one who stuck your nose into it and---

****

BISHOFF: (Finally having enough) STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT… or I will go insane!

****

NASH: I think you already went insane when you decided to give the belt to David Arquette.

****

BISHOFF: Shut up! Who asked your opinion! Now… we have to find a way to break into McMahon's camp, and take back what's ours!

(The three huddle together, and begin plotting)

***

(Back at the WWF camp)

**STEPHANIE McMAHON: **(lying on the sand by the lagoon in a one-piece bathing suit)It's so nice just to lay here and relax!

(Jericho walks to the lagoon, with Christian, Edge, and Test)

****

JERICHO: (shouting and getting the attention of the various other WWF superstars milling about)LOOK OUT! It's a filthy, dirty, disgusting, skanky, brutal, bottom-feeding, trash-bag shark! (a pause) Oh wait… it's just Stephanie McMahon. False alarm, everyone.

****

STEPHANIE: LOOK OUT! It's a big, dumb, blonde Canadian! 

(Edge, Christian, Test, and Jericho all stare at one another)

****

EDGE: (looking at Christian) Is she's talking about YOU, bro?

****

CHRISTIAN: (looking at Edge) I think it was YOU, dude…

****

TEST: (confused) Was it ME, Steph?

****

STEPHANIE: (standing up, annoyed) NO! You idiots… it was HIM! (points to Jericho)

****

JERICHO: Really, Stephanie… you need to work on your insults. 

(Jericho and Stephanie glare at each other. Suddenly, a streak of lightning races across the sky followed by a clap of thunder)

****

EDGE: (he cowers beside Christian and stares at Jericho and Stephanie). _YOU_ did that!

****

CHRISTIAN: Dudes… take your totally whacko crush somewhere else! Getting hit by lighting would just reek of suckitude right now!

****

STEPHANIE/JERICHO: (shouting in sync) Like I would ever have a crush on THAT!

****

TEST: Jericho would know better then to take my sloppy seconds.

****

JERICHO: Too bad Hunter didn't!

****

STEPHANIE: Shut up!

(Jericho and Stephanie glare at each other again. And once again, thunder rumbles, and lightning strikes the palm tree behind Edge)

****

EDGE: (screams and runs away from the burnt tree) They're gonna totally kill us all!

(The Rock sticks his head out of his hut)

****

ROCKY: Hey jabronies! Debra's coconut radio just informed us that there's a big roody poo storm heading our way! Get your candy asses inside!

****

EDGE: (pointing to Jericho and Stephanie) It's their fault! It's all THEIR fault! We're gonna die in the storm, and it's SO their fault! 

****

JERICHO: (to Edge) Would you _please _SHUT the HELL up!

****

CHRISTIAN: (turning to The Rock) Rocky, dude… where have you been? We haven't seen you all day…!

****

ROCKY: The Rock's been busy going over a movie script he just received! 

****

JERICHO: Script? How did you get a script?

****

ROCKY: The Rock got his script from the boat that passed by here last night, Y2Jabroni! Now if you don't mind, The Rock has too---

(Jericho runs up to Rocky and grabs him)

****

JERICHO: There was a boat here last night AND YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM WE WERE STRANDED?!

****

ROCKY: (raising an eyebrow) Let go of The Rock's $500 palm leaf shirt before he sticks his script up your candy ass! (Jericho reluctantly lets go). (Rocky fixes his shirt then turns back to Jericho) The Rock doesn't have time to worry about your little 'stranded on a deserted island' problem! He has movie contracts to negotiate!

****

JERICHO: Rock… YOU'RE stranded here too!

****

ROCKY: The Rock says--- (he stops, and realizes the situation). Damn… now The Rock has no way to get to Hollywood (Rocky heads dejectedly back into his hut and indulges in some roody poo candy palm leaves).

(Thunder and lightning fill the sky, and a sudden downpour starts)

****

TEST: (standing in the downpour) So… uh… should we head inside? 

****

JERICHO: (holding a large palm leaf over his head as he runs for cover) Tell you what, Test… you keep an eye out here and tell us how bad the storm gets. Ok?

****

TEST: Ok. Cool. 

****

JERICHO: Great. See you later then.

(Jericho, Stephanie, Edge, and Christian quickly head to the nearest empty shelter)

****

TEST: (still standing in the rain). I'm getting kinda wet, guys… guys? (looks around and sees that he is alone) 

****

MICK FOLEY: (coming out from his hut) Hey, Test. Get your ass inside already!

****

TEST: I told Jericho I'd keep tabs on the storm for him!

****

FOLEY: Right. Ok. You do that then. (Foley ducks back into his hut)

***

(A soggy Nash, Hogan, and Bishoff arrive at the WWF camp)

****

HOGAN: (seeing Test)Hey brothers…What's with Nash Jrstanding in the rain?

****

NASH: Maybe he's an idiot? Which leads me to wonder why the hell _we're _out in the rain.

****

BISHOFF: Because we have a mission, and our mission is more important then finding shelter! (Bishoff looks at Test) And I think we may have found an unlikely ally…

To Be Continued

****

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME 

__

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends   
_They'll feud for a long long time_   
_They'll have to make the best of things_   
_Because bookers are hard to find_

__

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too   
_will do their very best_   
_To make Bishoff uncomfortable_   
_in this tropic island mess_

__

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer   
_Not a single luxury_   
_Like Bishoff's main eventers_   
_It's primitive as can be_

__

So join us here each week, my friends   
_You're sure to get a smile_   
_From several stranded Wrestling stars_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle_

   [1]: mailto:elektrawwf@yahoo.com



	5. Episode Five

Wrestling Island Episode 5

****

WRESTLING ISLAND 

**__**

Episode 5 

By: [Elektra][1]

****

WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME: 

__

Just sit right back   
_And you'll hear a tale_   
_A tale of two wrestling shows_   
_They started out really small_   
_Now one stars lots of 'hos_

__

Bishoff was a silly man   
_Vince was brave and sure_   
_Millions of fans sat on their butts_   
_For a 3 hour Pay per view_   
_(a 3 hour pay per view)_

__

WCW started getting rough   
_Their mighty ship was tossed_   
_If not for the courage of Vince and friends_   
_All of Wrestling would be lost_   
_(all of wrestling would be lost)_

__

Both shows set ground on Monday Night   
_On major network TV_

__

With Shane McMahon   
_The Vin-man too_   
_Ted the billionaire_   
_And his wife_

__

Too many movie stars 

__

The talent and   
_The booker-men_

__

Here on Wrestling Isle!   


*******************************   
Last time on Wrestling Island: Chris Jericho, Edge, Christian, and Stephanie McMahon took refuge in a nearby hut as a tropical storm assaulted the island. Meanwhile Test was left out in the rain. He was then noticed by the McMahon Family's greatest enemies – Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bishoff – as the evil trio tried to sneak into the WWF Camp.   
******************************* 

****

HULK HOGAN: (approaching Test) Hey, brutha'! What'cha doing out here in the rain? 

****

TEST: Jericho asked me to keep tabs on the storm for him. (Test looks at Hogan suspiciously) Hey wait! I know you! Shane McMahon told you to stay away from us. He said you had a big ego and would screw everyone over. (Test focuses on Eric Bishoff) And he said YOU were the spawn of Satan! 

(Bishoff pales for a moment, the smiles nervously) 

****

ERIC BISHOFF: Well... you know that Shane! Always joking around! 

****

KEVIN NASH: (coming towards Test) What did he say about me? 

****

TEST: Nothing really. I guess you weren't important enough to mention. 

****

NASH: Not important?! Do you know who I AM? 

****

TEST: Uh… no. You look familiar though 

****

NASH: (with an evil smile) Well of course I look familiar! I'm… (an idea comes to him) I'm your brother, Big Kev! 

****

TEST: (confused) I have a brother? (He studies Nash, then smiles) Hey! I didn't know I had a brother! So… what brings you here? 

****

NASH: I've got a deal for you! Let's just say it's an offer you can't refuse 

(Nash puts a hand on Test's shoulder and leads him away) 

***

(In a small hut, Chris Jericho, Edge, Christian, and Stephanie McMahon are huddled together) 

****

CHRIS JERICHO: Test still hasn't come in yet! You think he'd get the idea it was just a joke! 

****

STEPHANIE McMAHON: (looking bored) Geez... how much longer is this storm going to last? I need to work on my tan! 

****

JERICHO: Better not work on it too long, Stephanie. You're starting to wrinkle. 

****

STEPHANIE: Shut up, Jericho! 

****

EDGE: Hey! I know what can pass the time! (looks towards Christian). Music! 

****

CHRISTIAN: Kazoo music, Edge? 

(Edge nods. Christian pulls a Kazoo out of his back pocket and starts playing) 

****

EDGE: (supplying the vocals) Hey Dude, don't make it bad! Take a sad song and make it better… 

****

JERICHO: It's JUDE. 

****

EDGE: Huh? 

****

JERICHO: It's not "Hey Dude!" It's "Hey JUDE". 

****

EDGE: Yeah, like I know who _Jude_ is! 

****

CHRISTIAN: That's a totally uncool name anyway! I like OUR version better! 

****

EDGE: Our version RULES! (Edge high-fives Christian) 

****

STEPHANIE: (rolling her eyes) I'm surrounded by morons. Big, blonde morons! Do you guys multiply like rabbits or something? 

****

EDGE: (ignoring Stephanie's remarks) How about we try another one, Christian? 

****

CHRISTIAN: You got it! (Christian starts playing the kazoo again) 

(Edge clears his throat and gets ready to sing once more) 

****

EDGE: Dude looks like a lady! Dude looks like a lady! 

****

JERICHO: (massaging his temples) Somebody just shoot me now please… 

(Stephanie pulls out her cell phone and starts to dial). 

****

STEPHANIE: (into the phone) Hi, is this the Walmart Hunting Department? 

(Jericho quickly jumps away from Stephanie, suddenly fearing for his life) 

****

JERICHO: I didn't mean that LITERALLY! (Jericho frowns) Wait a minute! You had a cell phone all this time, and you didn't call for HELP? 

****

STEPHANIE: Why would I? I'm on vacation! (turns back to the phone) Yes… I'll need one box of ammo… 

****

JERICHO: Give that to me! 

(Jericho lunges for the phone, but Stephanie runs away from him. He begins to give chase) 

****

STEPHANIE: You want the phone, Jericho? I dare you to come and get it! 

(Stephanie hangs up the phone and drops it down her shirt) 

****

JERICHO: (quickly halting in his pursuit) Uh… Christian… go get the phone. 

****

STEPHANIE: HEY! 

****

CHRISTIAN: NO WAY! She's TOTALLY reeking of evilness! 

****

JERICHO: I guess even FOOLS fear to tread _there_, Steph. 

****

STEPHANIE: (pouting angrily, hands on hips) How DARE you people be so disrespectful to me! I am Stephanie McMahon, damnit! Do you hear me? I am STEPHANIE McMAHON! I can get my daddy to fire all three of you! 

****

EDGE: (wincing at Stephanie's voice) Woah… have some _whine_ with those bitchcakes why don't you! 

****

STEPHANIE: (shouting) I WISH YOU THREE WOULD JUST GO JUMP IN THE LAGOON! 

(A window suddenly shatters, allowing the torrential downpour to blow in. The four WWF Superstars quickly jump away as a streak of lightning comes through the empty frame, narrowly missing a table.) 

(Stephanie and the Wrestlers are momentarily stunned, until Edge grins and high-fives Christian) 

****

EDGE and CHRISTIAN: That so totally RULED! 

***

(In a cave far, far away) 

****

HOGAN: So, we're going to destroy Shane and Vince! 

****

TEST: And you want me to help? 

****

NASH: You got it pal! 

****

TEST: And what do I get out of it? 

****

BISHOFF: A multi-million dollar contract with WCW! 

****

TEST: Hey, that's more then I'm making NOW! (Test smiles) Alright! I'll do   
it! 

****

HOGAN: Great, brother…! 

****

TEST: Wait, I thought I was _Kev's_ brother? 

(Hogan studies Test for a moment, then shakes his head sadly) 

****

HOGAN: Listen, here's the plan… 

(Hogan pulls Test away, leaving Bishoff and Nash to speak to one another) 

****

NASH: Eric… one question. Shane McMahon owns the WCW now. How are WE going to get this guy a contract? 

****

BISHOFF: We're not! 

****

NASH: But you just said… (Nash stops as he understands). You're a good liar, Eric. A damn good liar! 

*** 

THE NEXT DAY

(It's a beautiful day on the Island. The sky is blue, there's a nice gentle breeze. The storm is long over, and all is well. Stephanie and WCW's Booker T are hanging out on the beach) 

****

STEPHANIE: (to Booker T) So you're the WCW champ, hmm? At least you make a better champ than that beer-swilling Austin, or egomaniac Rock, or that dumb JERK Jericho! (Stephanie smiles kindly) You'll make Shane proud... 

****

BOOKER T: I have every intention of doing so! 

****

STEPHANIE: (pouting) I just wish I could get a company all to myself! 

(The Rock walks up behind her) 

****

ROCKY: The Rock says you already have your own company. The _Dirty Panties R Us_ company! 

****

BOOKER T: (standing up to face The Rock) Is that any way to talk to a lady? 

****

ROCKY: The Rock was talking to STEPHANIE, you gimmick-stealing jabroni! 

****

BOOKER T: Who are you calling gimmick-stealing, you catchphrase-spewing fool? 

****

ROCKY: The Rock says this – there is only one, and the Rock means ONE, people's champion! And only the people's champion can have the most electrifying finishing move in Sports Entertainment! So how about if The Rock takes that WCW belt, shines it up real nice, and sticks it straight up your candy ass until you can figure out your OWN damn finishing move! 

(As The Rock and Booker T continue arguing, we hear a loud crash. Everyone gathers to see Mr. McMahon's hut has collapsed) 

(Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon jump out of their luxury lay-z-bamboo-boy chairs) 

****

VINCE McMAHON: What the hell?! MY HUT! (Vince looks accusingly at the WCW Wrestlers) Who did this? 

(We see Jericho dragging Test behind him) 

****

JERICHO: _He_ did, Vinnie-mac! (Jericho shoves Test on the ground before Vince) I saw him trying to sneak away. 

(Most of the Wrestlers go back to what they were doing leaving Jericho, Test, Vince, Stephanie, and Shane) 

****

VINCE: Well, what is this all about? 

****

TEST: Bishoff said he'd give me a multi-million dollar WCW contract if I sabotaged the camp! 

****

SHANE McMAHON: You idiot! _I_ own the WCW! 

(Test seems confused for a moment, then realizes his mistake) 

****

TEST: Sorry Shane! I forgot… 

(Jericho smacks Test upside the head) 

****

TEST: Ow! What was that for? 

****

JERICHO: For being a moron! (Jericho then smacks Test upside the head again) 

****

TEST: And what was THAT for?! 

****

JERICHO: For being enough of a moron to propose to Stephanie two years ago 

****

TEST: At least I was smart enough to dump her a few months later! 

****

STEPHANIE: Uh... NO! I believe I dumped HIM! 

****

JERICHO: Well, either way at least you two didn't breed. 

****

VINCE: Steph, honey... get Perry Saturn over here. Tell him to bring his mop. I want this mess cleaned up! 

***

(A few hours later, Stephanie walks along an empty beach located quite a ways from the WWF camp. She stops when she finds 11 men lying unconscious on the sand, the victims of a shipwreck. The surf is littered with bits and pieces of barbed wire and wooden planks. There are three letters painted in red on the wooden planks: _E C W. _Stephanie smiles.) 

****

STEPHANIE: Well, it looks like I may just get my own company after all! 

To Be Continued

****

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME 

__

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends   
_They'll feud for a long long time_   
_They'll have to make the best of things_   
_Because bookers are hard to find_

__

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too   
_will do their very best_   
_To make Bishoff uncomfortable_   
_in this tropic island mess_

__

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer   
_Not a single luxury_   
_Like Bishoff's main eventers_   
_It's primitive as can be_

__

So join us here each week, my friends   
_You're sure to get a smile_   
_From several stranded Wrestling stars_   
_Here on Wrestling Isle_   


   [1]: mailto:elektrawwf@yahoo.com



End file.
